Aug 16, 2012




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Here I write about my passion for life, fashion, travel, interior design, health, and motherhood.

Caycee Hewitt


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That is the best word I can use to describe how I am feeling these days.
I have to just got to vent and be real with you ladies today.
I am feeling very insecure in a lot of ways……..
My body is not what it used to be, and really I am okay with that. What I am not okay with is gaining 7 inches on my waist and feeling terrible in every outfit and picture I see myself in. I just feel very insecure and it’s getting to me.
The pressure…… please tell me you all feel this. I feel pressure to keep the house clean, cook dinner, take care of the kids, be a good wife, and keep this little blog up.
Over the last few days I felt just plain sad and stressed. Sometimes I feel like I am just really not that good at anything. I am okay at most but just don’t feel like I excel in any of it. I have some really talented lady friends and I am honestly so darn proud of them. It makes me happy to see them doing the things they love and being super amazing at it! But it also makes me think well I am just mediocre.
As a mom I always feel rushed. Maybe it just the season of life I am in with two little ones, but I don’t like it. My head is always spinning and its hard to really relax and enjoy the moments with them. I am rushed every morning to get a post up on this blog ex(my terrible grammar). and have a hard time fitting it all in. When the evenings come I want to just unwind with Todd, or get in the bed because I know I will be waking up to feed the baby.
I promise this is not a pity me post and I know I have a great life. Lately I have just been struggling and needed to get this off my chest.
Moms and women please tell me you feel this way sometimes too. do you have a secret for me Or do I need to just go see a counselor asap!

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  1. Christina says:

    I think as women we all go through phases where we don't feel adequate. We live in such a fast paced, ever changing world and it's hard to keep up! You're totally normal. I'm sorry that you're feeling down, but I bet the feelings will soon pass. Look all around you and be thankful for everything you have. Not that I don't think you aren't grateful, but sometimes we just need reminders to stop, look around, breathe, and notice things. Take some time out for yourself this weekend – go get your nails done or for a walk on the beach. Or grab a cheesy novel – sometimes losing yourself in a good book can be nice. Cheer up sister, you're beautiful!

  2. Kilbi says:

    It's the stage in life we are in. Having 2 babies is tough (Mine are 21 months and 5 months). Little sleep and going full steam all day makes us exhausted (and crazy!). Our poor husbands (or definitely mine!) is getting the short end of the stick right now because I am just wiped out at the end of the day.

    And our bodies, oh how they change post-babies. I just have to keep reminding myself it took 9 months up, so it'll take 9 months down, so I need to ease up on myself. It's an uphill battle. I so know the feeling.

    Hang in there girl. You are beautiful and have darling little babies!


  3. HI 🙂 It's funny but I started following your blog because we have the same last name! Over the past couple of years we are also in the same boat with two small children. I work full time and have the same thoughts as you – I have to tell you – although I hate to hear of people struggling – it is such a relief to hear people express their feelings when I feel the same way. Life is too fast, life is too busy, and it's hard to know how to slow things down. The word "drowning" is what I tend to use.. LOL.. drowning in dishes, bottles, laundry, errands, etc. Thank God for the weekend! I try not to let things bother me throughout the week but every weekend it's the same race to get things picked up and back together – You are awesome – I enjoy your blog – and NO – you are definitely not alone – Chin Up!

  4. I feel the same way most every day! First of all, after having a baby your hormones are so out of whack, it's hard to feel human most of the time. Kids are wonderful but hard. Life is hard. It's hard getting older (trust me, I'm a lot older than you are). Being a stay at home mom is a blessing and I wouldn't trade it for the world, but it's a lonely, stressful, lonely, sometimes unfulfilling, lonely job. I put so many goals on myself that they're almost impossible to achieve. I know how it feels to hate what you see in the mirror. Pregnancy is the ultimate body destroyer! It got better before and it'll get better this time too, it's just hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You are beautiful inside and out and keep trucking along! A glass of wine always makes me feel better! 😉 Let me know if you need a wine buddy!

  5. donna says:

    You are totally not alone. It is hard to sometime not feel that way (blogs sometimes only post good stuff). I appreciate you keeping it real lady! I know you can do it and will get past this.

  6. Cara says:

    Hi Honey, I just started reading your blog a couple of weeks ago off designer bags and dirty diapers, and I think it is great and look forward to reading it when it comes into my inbox. I just wanted to let you know I completely understand where you are coming from!

    I have a 6 yr old and a 2 yr old who still don't sleep through the night, and how you described your head is pretty much mine daily. I currently work from home with my husband (challenge central don't recommend it if you don't have to!) we own a landscaping company and this is our busy season so my head is spinning. I get up at 5:30 am to have a meeting with him about the work day and our employees because it is the only time we have before kids wake up.

    I struggle with my weight daily because I have been a ballet dancer my whole life. But I have learned to adapt, and use that time in class to get exercise and socialize with my friends since it really is the only time I have to do so vs trying to be something I used to be at 110 lbs. Even though 110 lbs looked damn good, I constantly have to remind myself "ok you have had 2 kids your hips and rib cage will not be like that anymore even if I sold my soul to the devil and got back down to a weight that low."

    I have also had to learn to shut out all of the so called "perfect" Mommies out there that lurk at my kids school that I constantly find I am comparing myself to. You know who they are, the ones who run marathons for fun with a double stroller though the mud uphill at 4 am Sat mornings, have no pores perfectly clean houses. FYI I am 5'2, most of my clothes come from Target not Nordies, I have dishes and dog hair out the wazoo always, and we won't get into my pore situation or roots in desperate need of a dye job.

    I have given up trying to blog daily. I tried it, it didn't work. I would love to, believe me! I am wiped at the end of the day after working with Captain Hook (husband) and the Lost Boys (employees) so it doesn't always happen.

    You are not alone!!! You are doing amazing from what I have read these last couple of weeks. Getting up at 4 am to workout! Holy Crap that seriously counts. It sounds like you have a great husband, and family so hang in there, and your groove will come! Don't let the daily pressure or people get to you, and enjoy your little ones!

    I hope you a have a great weekend!

  7. Oh, gosh! We all have those days, weeks, months and you're totally entitled. Give yourself a break, rest, pedicure, shopping trip, or whatever it takes to make YOU feel better. You are incredibly beautiful, smart, talented, and your children are gorgeous beyond words. Keep up all the good work you're doing, I enjoy my daily peek into your amazing life.

    Chin up, buttercup!!!!

  8. Jamie says:

    You are not alone! I am a mom of 3 boys (10,4,1) who keep me on my feet at all times. I work a full time job and when I get home I have to be sure to keep the house tidy, dinner cooked, dishes done, kids bathed…and sometimes 11pm rolls around and I finally get the chance to shower myself but I just want to go to bed.

    I struggle with my weight and I can get pretty insecure about it! It's a woman/mom thing and you are for sure not alone!

    Keep your head up and things will get better. You have two beautiful children to look at every day!

  9. Julia Ryan says:

    I loved the post today on the aestate about having it all. You need to go read it. I know my limits and I don't push them. I've had to reevaluate them a lot lately now that I have two babies. Time is an incredibly scarce commodity in my life for the first time ever. I have things I'm really sucking at lately. My laundry is never done, my car looks like I'm running a daycare service out of the trunk and most days I can't even get lunch together let alone dinner. I have art orders and photo sessions to edit that are weeks past due. But, I figured out a few things that I am good at and enjoy doing and I'm doing them. One of them is playing with my kids. I'm leaving dishes in the sink more (my poor husband) and buying a few extra outfits so we can go a few days longer in between laundry. But I'm happier. Put five things on your priority list and do them. Forget the other stuff. Spend your time on what you value and what makes you and your family successful. Thank goodness we are all too busy keeping our own families afloat to notice anything you are missing. PLUS I know you and love you and think you are a fab mommma and wife. Your family and friends are so lucky to have you in their lives. Remember that. We all need a little pitty party sometimes and with a brand new baby at home it breeds. Just venting is helpful and reading all these lovely comments that let you know you are not alone. loves!

  10. Julia Ryan says:

    ooops, I meant the vault files 😉

  11. Colleen says:

    I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. I think all of us moms can relate to how you're feeling at some point or another. My kids are older (8 and 5) and believe me, it's gets so much easier. It's so hard when they are little and you're sleep deprived. As far as the weight goes, I always gave myself a full year to get back to where I was. I refused to weigh myself and stuck with the philosophy of everything in moderation (except wine of course!) It eventually all came off. Just be patient and kind to yourself. I think we often put a lot of pressure on ourselves to have it all together. Hair done, makeup done, cute outfit, good body, clean house, adorably dressed kids with no bits of food on their faces or clothes. It's all just too much sometimes. On those days this is what you do…Take your kids however they are dressed (yes,pj's are fine) and yourself (however you are dressed too, yes pj's are fine for you too) and head directly to Wal-Mart. After about 20 minutes there, you will feel %100 percent better about yourself. Oh, while you're there you might as well grab some wine. Works every time for me. I will be thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way. I hope you are feeling better about yourself soon.

  12. KJT says:

    We've all been there,sometimes you've just got to vent! I know the feeling. I'm a wife and I have a house to keep up and it's still a lot of pressure, so I can't even imagine adding 2 babies to the mix (yet anyway!). Just remember that a lot of the pressure you are feeling is pressure from yourself. Just remember that you are loved and so what if you don't get to cook dinner, or you need to dust or the baby fell asleep before you could give her a bath (I know about the mommy guilt from my sister) its OK! No one is perfect, no one's lives are perfect, we're all just doing the best we can at the time. Things will get better and when they do, you'll say "Man, why was I so hard on myself?". Think positively and breathe some deep breaths and you'll get over this little speed bump!

  13. Georgine says:

    Definitely see a counselor!! It is completely thrapeutic to vent without a second thought for at least an hour to someone that's not going to resent you for it, tell anyone, think you're (fill in the blank). And keep your eyes open for Post Partum- it is so real and sometimes a little happy pill for a few months/years goes a long way towards keeping everything lined up. I have tried positive self-talk for a long time and sometimes it works and sometimes I need my doctor to say, hey what you're feeling is affecting your well being- let me help you. Good luck!!!!!! You are so appreciated 🙂

  14. pretty girl, if it makes you feel better..I feel that way sometimes and my girls are 16, 12 and 9! i try to be worker girl, super mom, Martha stewart and everything else// take care xo

  15. Brandi says:

    Girl, u r soooo normal. I have 3 kids and every single day is CRAZY!!! Can't keep up with my house, laundry, everything. Oh, I could lose 15 lbs too…so depressing. I still want to look like a 22 year old, even at 36..sad!! Keep your head up!!!

  16. Beesmama says:

    Unfortunately, I think we as women ALL feel this way at one time or another. I also just had baby #2, and I am constantly feeling pressure to be 'good enough'. No matter what, I feel like I am not paying enough attention to someone/not being a good mom. Something always has to give-whether it be my appearance, picking up the house, cooking healthy dinners…it is really challenging to 'do it all' and do it all WELL. I find your honesty SO refreshing! To me, you appear to have it all together!! You are gorgeous, stylish,always doing fun things for/with the kiddos, your friends, hubby, your home looks beautiful…I have actually found myself reading your blog sometimes and thinking that I am envious and I wish I could have it all together as well as you do! Hang in there, and know that you are not alone. Thanks for being 'real'!

  17. Unknown says:

    I'm a long-time reader and first time commenter. Your post really touched me. I am in the same "season of life" as you, and I do feel so busy, rushed, and pressured, just as you do. And nobody puts more pressure on me than myself! It is always hard to see other moms too, who we view as more "together" than we are. Hang in there, Caycee– it will get better! (And P.S., please don't ever worry about your grammar on the blog– we like you just how you are! 🙂

  18. esl828 says:

    I am not a Mom – just a busy teacher and wife … who definitely feels your weight insecurity! I am so GLAD you write about not feeling 100% because it makes you real!

  19. Girl, I feel that way alot. But you inspire me everyday. You are beautiful, sweet, a great friend and good at so many things. You always make me laugh and feel better. Plus Todd is a great husband and your kids are the cutest things ever. Being a parent is hard as shit, and overwhelming most days. Thats why we need our friends and playdates to survive. Love you and cheer up missy. See you in a few days!

  20. lizziefitz says:

    This post not only proves that you are awesome but REAL. We all hold ourselves up to a high " blog" standard. Blog lives are cropped, edited and airbrushed . Real lives are dirty, chaotic and raw. Just remember that you are your worst critic. Everyone else is thinking , " How does she do it and look so fabulous too?" Tomorrow is a new day.

  21. Have a big ole glass of wine! You're doing an awesome job!! I mean, just watch Honey Boo Boo, and she'll make your life seem like a dream! Lol!!

  22. And seriously, I stared at your hair in photos the other night, because I love your color, and would love to have it!

  23. Jody says:

    I think a lot of women feel this way – atleast I know I do! I have 4 kids (8,7,4 and 2) and a lot of days this summer we never even bothered to get dressed. No make – up, hair in a pony type situation. I constantly don't feel up to par with other Moms that I know and it is something I have always struggled with. We just need to keep reminding ourselves that this is our family and life and we are doing what is best for us, not the rest of the world. Hang in there and know you are not alone in this world!

  24. Jody says:

    I think a lot of women feel this way – atleast I know I do! I have 4 kids (8,7,4 and 2) and a lot of days this summer we never even bothered to get dressed. No make – up, hair in a pony type situation. I constantly don't feel up to par with other Moms that I know and it is something I have always struggled with. We just need to keep reminding ourselves that this is our family and life and we are doing what is best for us, not the rest of the world. Hang in there and know you are not alone in this world!

  25. I missed this yesterday with Fletcher's surgery. So sad I did, you needed some love yesterday it seems. You are beautiful Caycee, and you look gorgeous. If it's your weight that is bothering you like you said then your trainer will certainly help with this! Give it time.

    Remember women often share what they want to share. We all have things we struggle with and are not perfect. Nobody is. How boring this one precious life would be if we all were perfect. Right?

  26. Melissa W. says:

    I agree 100%! You always know how to say the nicest things 🙂

  27. Melissa W. says:

    I completely **suck** at saying the **right** things. Let me just tell you from a mom-of-three who only works 8 hours/week. Being a mom is the hardest job! It makes me so freaking mad when my hubby comes home & "the house is a wreck, dirty dishes in sink, laundry all over the house, and the 'what did you do all day?'" attitude. Some days I feel like a dog chasing my tail. Or one step forward and five steps back. Makes me want to vomit when I think someone can be a mom, make Betty Crocker meals, and have the June Clever house. It is all a lie sometimes. Sometimes the people who you think are "perfect and so lucky," are really miserable and hiding their true colors. It makes me cringe when someone tells me I am lucky to stay home. Believe me, I am jealous **most** days of people who have "real" jobs. "Lizzie Fitz" said it perfect, blog-life is edited. You are being real and makes me appreciate your "real life" by being honest. I had severe post-part. when I had the twins. I seriously wanted to give them up (adoption). Thank God for counseling and Zoloft. I am terrified still to this day that those feelings will return. Especially on the super, duper challenging days.

  28. Melissa W. says:

    Hang-in there! You may struggle some days, but they only make you appreciate the good days. You sound a lot like me-if I feel "fat" or have a bad-hair-day, it puts me in a funk 🙁


  29. Meg says:

    I clicked on a link from DB&DD yesterday and saw this post and it stuck in my head. I had to come back and comment.

    You are not alone. This is a totally normal feeling. I think as moms today we are so overwhelmed. I am home full-time to 2 _very_ under enrolled boys. My house is a disaster, I am a disaster, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel. School! No more eating "lunch" of their left overs, time to excerise (should I chose to), time to organize (ditto). You'll get there too.

    The world we live in so fast, we have to sift through so much information now just to find the "right" milk and carseat. Totally overwhelmed by the data available. Kinda wish I was a pre-internet sham.

    Sorry for the ramble. I needed that!

  30. Julie says:

    Being a parent is the hardest thing ever! Since I had my kid, I often think of the phrase, "jack of all trades, master of none." Haha! I suck at work, mothering (in my head), trying to keep my house perfect and clean and stylish, my body….blah blah. I'm a hot mess! I can't be the only one who feels that way….I know I'm not, and you're not!

  31. Nicole says:

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  32. Nicole says:

    Couldn't have said it better myself! I just started reading your blog and love it. Thanks for being so honest, it's not always easy to do. Come check out my blog sometime. My struggles with the same things will make you feel better 🙂


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